Friday, April 24, 2009

One year ago today...

Today I was felling 100% better. I was able to shower move around easier... but still very very hard. MY MOM WAS HERE AND BY MY SIDE THE WHOLE TIME! 
FINALLY I WAS ABLE TO SEE THE GIRLS!!!! I was so wonderful, and still so sad. I was able to hold Sabrina who seemed to be doing so well. She "tolerated" both Aaron and I holding her in one day. It was magical and so miraculous. 
Sophia was on the oscillating vent a few days but now she was on a regular vent. Babies this young are born at a 2 on the pain scale. She was still on morphine. When I realized this I was in tears. My poor baby girl was in the crib, in pain and there was nothing I could do. Aunt Donna was my nurse this day, and she let me touch Sophia. Each nurse was different. I rubbed her head for a minute and then moved away. As I moved away she reached up and grabbed my hand. WAit a second, I am trying to remember back... I may have gone to see the girls last night. I can not remember. So, it was either late last night or today. I am a bit confused. Maybe someday I will remember. I can not recall if I ever saw her on the other vent or not. Hmmmm....
My wonderful nurse helped give me the strength to go see the girls, my mom, Aaron's mom and Aaron were also there. It was great to have family surround such a great day!
After returning to bed and relaxing after a busy day I started to feel really really sick again. I called a nurse into the room and I had a 101-102 fever. Within a short period of time I have the shivers and could not stop. At this point, I was afraid I was going to die... again. This also meant another day or two at the hosp. I was already there 4 weeks... unable to go home. I WANTED TO GO HOME SO BAD! But, knew there was no way. Besides the news about Sophia (who was mostly out of the woods) this was a bad bad night. 

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